It is easy to see this book as a bag of tricks that you can use to get people to do what you want them to do but I think that is just a shallow way of analyzing it🤨. It is deeper than that. The book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, is not about deceiving people but really understanding people better and knowing how best to deal with people we encounter every day 👥👥. Yes, this is done to achieve what you may want in the end but it is not done by scheming and deception but by mastering the art of communication and developing more effective people skills. That is what I think this book is about 😄. My rating for it is 4/5 and I will surely be reading it again and again.
“Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
How to win Friends and Influence People is is a timeless book and relevant today just as much as it was in 1936 when it was written by Dale Carnegie. It is pertinent no matter what stage of life you are in, whether you in university or starting your first job or have been working for a while. It can really help you deal with the people in your personal and professional life in a more meaningful way and it is one of the best self-help books I have read in a while 📚. It made me sit and think about how I can improve my relationship with other people and what I have been doing wrong 🤔.
The book is split into four sections with subsections discussing various topics and giving examples about how the principles were implemented by people in everyday life. Here are some of my favorite lessons from the Sections:
Part I: Fundamental Techniques for Handling People
“Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.” 😤😡This does not mean that we can’t criticize people, it just means that you should be more aware and tactful about when, where and how we criticize someone else.
Give honest and sincere appreciation 😚
Part II: Six Ways to Make People Like You
Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. This was an important lesson for me as I am terrible with names, I really don’t pay attention to that enough and have been making much more of an effort to do so 😊
Talk in terms of the other person’s interest. Far too often, we are just interested in what we are passionate about, what interests us but part of being more personable is to be able to be speak to people about their interests in a genuine manner. Have a real conversation about what they are interested in.
Part III: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
It is best to try and avoid arguments. “You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. ……A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.” 🤬 🤯
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. This is hard to do, nobody likes to admit that they were wrong or that they made a mistake but part of being a good leader and just an all around better person is to be able to admit when we are wrong whenever this may occur.
Part IV: Be A Leader: How to Change people without giving offense or Arousing Resentment
Let the other person save face. Far too often in today’s society, we are quick to as Trinis’ say “make out someone” (aka embarrass them in front of other people), but does this really achieve anything? How will that person feel about you after? They will most likely hate and resent you. A better approach is to allow them to save face, don’t shout and carry on with other people and create a scene, in the long run it serves no purpose 😄
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Let people know when you see the work that they are doing, whether it be small improvements or very large changes, people appreciate the recognition for their work.
“Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”
Have you read this book already? What did you think of it? 📚